I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
