he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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