Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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