were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
