Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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