I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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