you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hippo gnu deer
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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