Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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