There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
