I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
