I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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