i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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