Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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