He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize