So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
