I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize