I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
