I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
