so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
