careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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