someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
