Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
COCAINE IS GR8
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
