weddingsv make me drug and hornr
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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