Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
