in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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