I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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