my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
