Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
