Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
