I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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