sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
