dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
