Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
