I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
