my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Mom said you looked used
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
