I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
home. puking in laundry basket.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
