Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Houston, we have a squirter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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