Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love having hate sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
