he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
