Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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