dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Randomize