im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
