whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
