Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
