I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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