we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize