where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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