I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i came on her dog
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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