i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
