I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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