I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize