do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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