He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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