im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize