the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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