I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
