Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize