Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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