I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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