my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
