Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
