dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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