plz talk dirty to me
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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