just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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