fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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