WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
